The Casualty of Divorce

Some years ago, I dated a woman that had been separated from her husband for a number of years.  We were both busy professionals; as a result, we ended up spending most of our free time in bed.  With things going so well, she decided that it was time to obtain her paper divorce.  About a month after the divorce was final, she called me up and broke up with me.  She could not articulate how she was feeling at the time.  She could only tell me that she needed to have some time to herself.  I was very unhappy with her decision because it came at a time when things were going well for us. 

At the point of our breakup, I thought that we had my version of the perfect relationship.  Unfortunately, it did not matter what I thought or felt.  The paper divorce inexorably changed her view of men and relationships.  I knew that my lover had become traumatized when her divorce became final but I did not dwell on the implications for long.  A very attractive recently divorced woman came to work at my job.  Before too long we were involved in a very intense sexually relationship.   My involvement with the new woman - who was in “divorcee’s revenge” mode- left little time for me to mourn the loss of my former lover! It would be years before I was able to critically understand what my ex-girlfriend dealt with emotionally after her paper divorce.

The Calm Before The Storm  

I left Dracula three years before I sought to legally dissolve our marriage.  Immediately after our separation, I made every effort to sell the residence we once shared; set aside a college fund for her granddaughter Chiquita and put some nice coin in both of our pockets.  Dracula had no intention of leaving me intact but it took me a while to figure that out. 

After I got my paper divorce from Drac, my relationships with women began to deteriorate.  My optimistic view of love and relationships died from emotional asphyxia.  I found myself increasingly intolerant of things that men usually endure to get some skin!  I came to understand the trauma that my lover had encountered years before when she kicked me to the curb.  She was emotionally spent and did not know what to do about.  And so was I.

After a bout of abstinence, a series of mediocre relationships, and a reawakening through sexual healing, I was able to regain my stasis with women.  At the beginning of this year, I made a concerted effort to become social again.  I began attending soirees, meeting new people, dating and trying to get back into healthy social comportment.  I have discovered however, in the past six months, that I suffer from post traumatic divorce disorder.  If ANYTHING goes wrong during the initial phases of a budding relationship, I shut down and figure out a way to end it.  I am irreparably wounded.  I thought I was able to have healthy relationships with women but I am not.  In retrospect, I realize that I encountered many divorced women that were as wounded as I but I failed to understand what I was seeing until it happened to me.  I am damaged goods. 

Surprisingly, many women have been dismissive of my admission!  I am bewildered by the fact that women refuse to accept certain truths but we already know that TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION