Mt. Vesuvius Erupts  

Okay, I tried to write this without a personal anecdote but it’s virtually impossible for the purposes of this ongoing discussion.  No brag, just fact.   

Several years ago, I dated one of the most notorious gold diggers on the face of the earth.  She also happens to be one of the finest women that I’ve ever met in person.  A few years back, Goldie and I worked at the same location.  We had a lot of professional contact with one another.  One day, as I was walking by, she called me into her office and, to my surprise, suggested that we go on a “date”.  I soon found out that a “date” involved me, her and my Nordstrom charge card!  I decided to go for it.  I had wasted hundreds of thousands of dollars and ten years of my time dealing with Dracula.  It seemed worth it to me to spend a little coin on a woman that was twice as fine and half her age.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

On Easter Sunday that year, I took Goldie out for dinner.  On the way back to my apartment, she opened her legs wide to reveal a black thong under her expensive suit.  When we got back to my apartment, she stated:  “I know you’re a bad boy, put on a porno video!”  Lucky for me I had one porn dvd.  At that time, most of my porn was on vhs tape AND my player was broken!  I put the dvd in the player.  Goldie watched the video intently.  To my surprise, she got on my lap and opened her legs so that she could straddle my left thigh.  Prior to that moment, she had not allowed me to touch her in a sexual way.  Mister Wiggles got as stiff as a bar of Aluminoy!  I pulled my pants down past my knees.  She positioned herself so that Mister Wiggles was pressed against Miss Kitty.  She rode Mister Wiggles like he was a bucking stallion.  After a few minutes, she fell backwards and closed her eyes.  I placed my right hand underneath the thong and tentatively placed my index finger above her clitoris.  I slid my finger downward.   As my finger touched her clit, she began moving her hips in a rhythmic motion and sucked in a breath.  Goldie slid off me onto the couch.  Her eye balls were rolling inside of the closed lids.  She tried to suck in air through her teeth as she bit down on her lower lip.   

Goldie lay there for a few seconds then opened her eyes wide as if I had slapped her.  She jumped up from the couch and ran into the bathroom.  When she emerged from the bathroom, she grabbed her purse and ran out the door.  By the time I got my pants and shirt back on and got out to the street, she was backing her car out of the parking lot.  She had a look of panic on her face.  I tapped on the window as she moved the car backward.  She would not stop the car.

That incident was the first time in my life that a woman had gone into a panic after having an orgasm.  I was as frustrated as I was excited by what had happened.  I had NEVER encountered a woman that had had such a forceful orgasm with so little effort.  That week, I went out and bought some more pornography on dvd’s. 

We never talked about what had occurred that day.  Goldie’s was always fixated on what she wanted me to buy her or what she wanted me to do for her.  She never anticipated that I was capable of giving her earth shattering orgasms.  To be quite honest, before it happen on three seperate occasions, I never knew a woman was capable of having orgasms of such intensity!  I wanted to have a long salacious relationship with Goldie.  I knew that a woman capable of having an orgasm of that magnatude, during a dry fuck, needed to be with a man with a third degree black belt in tung foo!  Unfortunately for us, Goldie was unable to wrap her mind around a scenario that was not part of her grand scheme to capture J Paul’s fortune.  If I had had an experience like that with a woman my age, she would have been parked in front of my apartment each day when I arrived home from work!  Goldie, like many other women in her age group (mid twenties) was simply not in touch with her sexuality in a holistic way.  There was no doubt that she was sexy.  She was that self aware.  The men that we worked with brought her breakfast and lunch each day and fawned over her in a shameful manner.  The fact that I had pretended to ignore her on a personal level, for over two years, was the main reason that she finally approached me!  Once she focused on me, she KNEW that I would be unable to resist her.  What she NEVER anticipated however was: the sexual ‘chemistry’ between us would overwhelm her and ultimately change the outcome of our relationship.  And that was inconsistent with her plan to spend every dime I had ever earned without making an emotional investment in the relationship!

Goldie stopped coming to my apartment.  I, in turn, stopped buying her expensive meals in out of the way restaurants and taking her to Somerset Mall. 

The experience that I had with Goldie was one of the best of my adult life.  I never knew that a woman could have such violent orgasms with so little effort.  I had a sexual ephiphany.  I realized that most women do not want to lose control like that no matter how gratifying the experience may be on a physical level.

As I write this piece, I suspect that as many men have the same secret fear which may explain why they resort to homosexual acts and masturbation instead of allowing themselves to have a rewarding sexual experience with a woman that is attracted to them.  I have worked all my life to have better and better sexual experiences.  My expectations have always been met, in part because I never feared my own sexual prowess even when it exceeded what I thought I was capable of doing!  My early expectations about sex were based on hyperbole of older men and sexual mythology not on short men with big dicks and women that moan on cue in a scripted video.  Sex and imagination go hand in hand.  In my mind, it would be impossible to personalize an experience that I have already thought I knew everything there was to know about that particular subject.  Goldie knew all the nuances of being “sexy” yet was a novice when it came to sexuality.  She’ll be thirty this year.  I’m hoping that she’s physically and emotionally ready to get in touch with those feelings that she should deal with and not attempt to control. 

I feel badly for all those sexually ambiguous folks out there but as Parliament said: one fun at a time.  I can only save one ass at a time.  If you are in need of saving, send me an email.  Those that wish to support my unscientific research can donate to my YGF (Young Girl Fund).